Draft of the Week, #13

My computer travails continue, but my laptop’s working for the time being, long enough for me to complete a draft inspired by this week’s ReadWritePoem prompt — an evocative photograph. Per my usual tendencies, I’ve taken their nudge in my own direction. This might be altogether too abstract or wordy or [insert negative adjective here], so feel free to speak up with any thoughts yea or nay — I can take it!

And, also as usual, this will only remain for a couple days:


12 responses to “Draft of the Week, #13”

  1. there’s a lot that works here, and i think it’s great that you’ve taken from this image a metaphor about a “small wound” and given us so many vivid examples.

  2. It doesn’t seem abstract to me — reads like the wearing callus of so many minor (but exacting) everyday moments that wear relationships down. The circle of ever after/every day works for me.

  3. Carolee & Deb, thank you, I’m so glad to hear your thoughts on this!

  4. I love how this poem redeems us at the end — yes, we will be squashed, bruised, scabbed, splattered, hurt. BUT everything heals, again and again (“heal” used twice in the last two lines). I like the graceful two-line stanzas and the smooth enjambments.

  5. Great use of language here!


  6. Such strong imagery — that “prolapsed egg” is magnificent. I read the last line as partially redemptive, more sisyphean. (I think that’s a word.)

  7. Love the crunchiness of it. I love how I had to read and re-read to unravel the meaning– maybe that’s just my slow brain. I suggest one slight change:
    the chair that lost a leg stands
    but can’t *hold*


  8. Therese, thank you — I’m so glad you like it.

    Thank you, Pamela, for reading & commenting.

    If “sisyphean” isn’t a word, it should be, Nathan — thank you, that’s it exactly.

    Tricia! So nice to see you — and what an excellent suggestion! I’m totally making that change, thank you!

  9. a cicatrix rubbed raw only to heal – Rarely see cicatrix used in a poem and it works so perfectly here. Painful and well come easily through your choice of words. No small task to make these emotions felt. You’ve done it well!

  10. You snuck in a last viewing, Sue! — thank you, I appreciate your kind words.

  11. sorry I missed you, marie

  12. Sorry, Barbara — thanks for stopping by!

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