Draft of the Week, #13

My computer travails continue, but my laptop’s working for the time being, long enough for me to complete a draft inspired by this week’s ReadWritePoem prompt — an evocative photograph. Per my usual tendencies, I’ve taken their nudge in my own direction. This might be altogether too abstract or wordy or [insert negative adjective here], so feel free to speak up with any thoughts yea or nay — I can take it!

And, also as usual, this will only remain for a couple days:


12 responses to “Draft of the Week, #13”

  1. there’s a lot that works here, and i think it’s great that you’ve taken from this image a metaphor about a “small wound” and given us so many vivid examples.

  2. It doesn’t seem abstract to me — reads like the wearing callus of so many minor (but exacting) everyday moments that wear relationships down. The circle of ever after/every day works for me.

  3. I love how this poem redeems us at the end — yes, we will be squashed, bruised, scabbed, splattered, hurt. BUT everything heals, again and again (“heal” used twice in the last two lines). I like the graceful two-line stanzas and the smooth enjambments.

  4. Such strong imagery — that “prolapsed egg” is magnificent. I read the last line as partially redemptive, more sisyphean. (I think that’s a word.)

  5. Love the crunchiness of it. I love how I had to read and re-read to unravel the meaning– maybe that’s just my slow brain. I suggest one slight change:
    the chair that lost a leg stands
    but can’t *hold*


  6. Therese, thank you — I’m so glad you like it.

    Thank you, Pamela, for reading & commenting.

    If “sisyphean” isn’t a word, it should be, Nathan — thank you, that’s it exactly.

    Tricia! So nice to see you — and what an excellent suggestion! I’m totally making that change, thank you!

  7. a cicatrix rubbed raw only to heal – Rarely see cicatrix used in a poem and it works so perfectly here. Painful and well come easily through your choice of words. No small task to make these emotions felt. You’ve done it well!

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